Monday, March 31, 2008

The good and the bad from Opening Night.

The good: The Braves' new alternate road unis. Me likey. Much better than the Sunday reds, which make me feel the same disgust as when I see an entire family wearing Crocs.

The bad: George W. Bush's alto queso, or "high cheese" (thank you Dave Campbell from High Heat 2002). On the radio, Chip Caray did mention that W was wearing a kevlar vest underneath his jacket. It's sad how things have changed since that horrible Reggie Jackson incident.

The good: Tim Hudson's WHIP, sitting at 0.43 right now... which happens when you retire 17 straight batters. And since this is my first season playing fantasy baseball, I actually care about this now.

The bad: Uh, this happened....


(video purloined from Mister Irrelevant)

Saturday, March 8, 2008

I got my Uzi back (you dudes is whack... face it, Bad Braves Fan is back).



A lot sure has happened since I put this blog on hold. Here's a quick recap....

* Braves pick up Mark Teixeira from the Rangers for Jarrod Saltalamacchia, meaning now I don't have to worry about who the fuck Scott Thorman is more than the occassional pinch hit appearance or Tex day-off.

* Bob Wickman gets released, meaning now I can go to all-ages pop-punk shows in peace. (However, I am still too old for that shit.)

* Michael Vick gets indicted, meaning now I can put funny captions on pictures of athletes and a lot of people will giggle incessantly.

* I made an awesome Chinua Achebe reference. (You should be impressed too, I could've went with The Roots.)

* Edgar Renteria gets traded to the Tigers for pitching prospect and native Curacaoan Jair Jurrjens, meaning now that Andruw Jones is gone, there can STILL be Curacao Beach Towel Night at Turner Field.

(Note: I have no idea if this was a recurring promotion throughout the Andruw Jones era, but it should've been. Beach towels are probably the only accessory that makes The Wave tolerable.)

By the way, I have still done nothing to improve my status as a Braves fan... I didn't buy a Brian McCann jersey like I said I would, and I only went to two pro baseball games last year... both at Wrigley Field (Cubs v. Reds, then Cubs v. Cards). So I know better than to make any promises this year.

Except that I'll try to keep up the blog at least until the middle of August this year. I'm setting the bar high.

Friday, November 9, 2007

The resemblance is ridiculously scary.

I photoshopped this for my other blog, LOL Jocks, but I'll be damaged if it doesn't belong here too.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Hey White Sox, just in case you forgot, ESPN hates you.

I would like to think that pointless poll questions like these are a result of ESPN.com running roughly 500 poll questions a day. At some point during today, I'm totally expecting a "Is David Beckham hot?" query.

But please... leaving the White Sox off the question about the sports teams most associated with Chicago? Just because they are the baseball team that has won a championship in the past 90 years?

And including the Blackhawks???

Monday, July 9, 2007

I think Bob Wickman is trying to kill me.

In the past two weeks, I have watched two Braves games (the blog isn't called Bad Braves Fan for nothing).

Both of these games were on Sundays.

In both of these games, Bob Wickman has tried to give me a heart attack.

Don't give me that look, Bob. You know what you're doing.

First was last week against the Marlins, where the Braves made an exciting comeback to grab a one-run lead in the top of the ninth, only for Bob to give up that lead on the second pitch he threw to Marlins catcher Miguel Olivo.

(I believe the TBS graphic after the home run said that Olivo is 5-for-5 in his career against Wickman, with a double, a triple, and two home runs... which means that Olivo hit a cycle off Wickman in his first four at-bats. That's a slugging percentage of 2.800, for God's sake.)

Fast-forward to tonight, where Wickman comes in to the ninth with a four-run lead to protect, and allows five hits to the Padres (the team with the lowest batting average in the National League) before he gets Marcus Giles on a borderline strikeout to end the game with the tying run in scoring posish. The only good thing about tonight's game, besides the fact that the Braves are only two games back of the Mets at the All-Star Break, is that I found out that my bedroom door has a wall protector for times when you burst through the door in disgust.

Including last Friday's appearance where he gave up three runs in a third of an inning before being lifted for Tyler Yates, that's three shitshows in a span of five appearances. To Wicky's credit, he's still doing better than the new Transformers movie.

NL East Standings
NY Mets 48-39
Atlanta 47-42
Philadephia 44-44
Florida 42-47
Washington 36-52

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Braves vs. Tigers. Bad Braves Liveblog IV.

Jumping in this game a little late, and using my roommate's laptop... apparently the power adapters for MacBooks like to stop working after three months. I guess pretty soon we'll get a commercial where Justin Long stops moving and can only be revived by giving him $80. Kind of like Mike Hampton!

Chuck James gets the Tigers 1-2-3 in the first. And the powerful Braves offense responds in kind with a 1-2-3 inning of their own. This is gonna be awesome!

R.I.P. Rod Beck. I have a terrible Rod Beck story... he was making his comeback with the Padres, and I wanted to watch him warming up in the bullpen in a game at Turner Field. Unfortunately, all the Turner Field ushers assume that the only reason you would want to watch the opposing team's bullpen is to harass them, and so they yell at you every time you try to take a peek. Turner Field ushers: holes of ass. Still scoreless after two.

Chipper makes a good defensive play on a line drive, which leads Jon Miller and Joe Morgan to talk about "the spat." Schuerholz in the booth now, throwing water on the fire... we won't hear about this again after tonight. We will hear about Andruw though... sounds like John is not expecting to re-sign him.

Barry Bonds could have been a Brave, and Schuerholz decided to sign Greg Maddux instead. THANK YOU JOHN SCHUERHOLZ.

What is up with Magglio Ordonez in this series? I watched him play right field earlier this season, and he looked terrible. Now he's making awesome plays... it's like he really thinks he can win MVP this year.

There was a time earlier this year when the Braves were getting crazy two-out hits with runners in scoring posish. Now they are not coming. These are the kinds of things that happen when you only score one run in 40 innings.

Schuerholz just called Gary Sheffield a consistent player for the Braves in 2002 and 2003. Then ESPN shows a graphic... Sheffield hit over .300 in both seasons, and then at the bottom: Postseason: 3 for 30 (.100). That's some awesome consistency.

Andruw Jones base hit! Currahee! And Salty lines out on the next pitch to end the inning. Still scoreless after four.

Pitching to American League pitchers with two outs can be fun and profitable... until Chuck gets behind 3-1. Thank God Chuck finally gets two over the plate.

According to the Bottom Line, the White Sox are expected to trade Mark Buehrle. To the phones, Schuerholz!

Oh hell. To start the sixth inning, Omar Infante gets a bunt single, and James hits Polanco on a 1-2 pitch. Sheffield singles on the next pitch... 1-0 Tigers. And now Magglio gets another base hit to load the bases with no outs. Shit, meet fan... And James walks Guillen. 2-0 Tigers. Cox comes out to yank Chuck, who had pitched a hell of a game to that point. Once again, a Braves starter doesn't go at least seven innings.

In comes Peter Moylan, who is on the list of Braves relievers I trust (and yes, I am testing my jinx). Two run single by Pudge. Damn, I'm good.

Jon Miller and Joe Morgan have just broken down Tigers pitcher Justin Andrew Miller's swing. I am in hell. Ooh, brief reprieve, Moylan gets out of the inning with no more damage done. Tigers rule 4-0. Let's score some f-ing runs, people.

I need some help from Baseball Prospectus... I need to find out how many innings in the last five games have gone out, out, base hit, out for the Braves. This is getting ridiculous.

Placido Polanco tests Francoeur's arm... great tag by Saltalamacchia to nail him at the plate for an inning-ending double play.

Durbin replaces Andrew Miller... I will now say goodbye to the most awkward swings I've seen since Randy Johnson. And the Braves are still scoreless.

Wilfredo Ledezma in the game for the Braves, and he'll get to pitch just as soon as the grounds crew replace some clay on the mound. No offense, watching dirt get replaced... geh.

Chad Durbin, the Tigers relief pitcher, gets a sacrifice fly RBI to make it 5-0 Tigers. This gives him the same number of RBIs that the entire Braves team has had in their last five games. Shoot me in the face.

Bobby Cox drinking Powerade in high definition. Awesome. I feel like he could reach through the TV and punch me in the chest... that way my clothes would cover the bruises. Man, this is depressing.

Well that's over. The Braves get swept, are back to .500, and may score another run some time before the All-Star Break. The good news is that interleague play is now over, and the Mets won't play the A's again this year. I'm Mr. Fucking Brightside.