Sunday, June 24, 2007

Braves vs. Tigers. Bad Braves Liveblog IV.

Jumping in this game a little late, and using my roommate's laptop... apparently the power adapters for MacBooks like to stop working after three months. I guess pretty soon we'll get a commercial where Justin Long stops moving and can only be revived by giving him $80. Kind of like Mike Hampton!

Chuck James gets the Tigers 1-2-3 in the first. And the powerful Braves offense responds in kind with a 1-2-3 inning of their own. This is gonna be awesome!

R.I.P. Rod Beck. I have a terrible Rod Beck story... he was making his comeback with the Padres, and I wanted to watch him warming up in the bullpen in a game at Turner Field. Unfortunately, all the Turner Field ushers assume that the only reason you would want to watch the opposing team's bullpen is to harass them, and so they yell at you every time you try to take a peek. Turner Field ushers: holes of ass. Still scoreless after two.

Chipper makes a good defensive play on a line drive, which leads Jon Miller and Joe Morgan to talk about "the spat." Schuerholz in the booth now, throwing water on the fire... we won't hear about this again after tonight. We will hear about Andruw though... sounds like John is not expecting to re-sign him.

Barry Bonds could have been a Brave, and Schuerholz decided to sign Greg Maddux instead. THANK YOU JOHN SCHUERHOLZ.

What is up with Magglio Ordonez in this series? I watched him play right field earlier this season, and he looked terrible. Now he's making awesome plays... it's like he really thinks he can win MVP this year.

There was a time earlier this year when the Braves were getting crazy two-out hits with runners in scoring posish. Now they are not coming. These are the kinds of things that happen when you only score one run in 40 innings.

Schuerholz just called Gary Sheffield a consistent player for the Braves in 2002 and 2003. Then ESPN shows a graphic... Sheffield hit over .300 in both seasons, and then at the bottom: Postseason: 3 for 30 (.100). That's some awesome consistency.

Andruw Jones base hit! Currahee! And Salty lines out on the next pitch to end the inning. Still scoreless after four.

Pitching to American League pitchers with two outs can be fun and profitable... until Chuck gets behind 3-1. Thank God Chuck finally gets two over the plate.

According to the Bottom Line, the White Sox are expected to trade Mark Buehrle. To the phones, Schuerholz!

Oh hell. To start the sixth inning, Omar Infante gets a bunt single, and James hits Polanco on a 1-2 pitch. Sheffield singles on the next pitch... 1-0 Tigers. And now Magglio gets another base hit to load the bases with no outs. Shit, meet fan... And James walks Guillen. 2-0 Tigers. Cox comes out to yank Chuck, who had pitched a hell of a game to that point. Once again, a Braves starter doesn't go at least seven innings.

In comes Peter Moylan, who is on the list of Braves relievers I trust (and yes, I am testing my jinx). Two run single by Pudge. Damn, I'm good.

Jon Miller and Joe Morgan have just broken down Tigers pitcher Justin Andrew Miller's swing. I am in hell. Ooh, brief reprieve, Moylan gets out of the inning with no more damage done. Tigers rule 4-0. Let's score some f-ing runs, people.

I need some help from Baseball Prospectus... I need to find out how many innings in the last five games have gone out, out, base hit, out for the Braves. This is getting ridiculous.

Placido Polanco tests Francoeur's arm... great tag by Saltalamacchia to nail him at the plate for an inning-ending double play.

Durbin replaces Andrew Miller... I will now say goodbye to the most awkward swings I've seen since Randy Johnson. And the Braves are still scoreless.

Wilfredo Ledezma in the game for the Braves, and he'll get to pitch just as soon as the grounds crew replace some clay on the mound. No offense, watching dirt get replaced... geh.

Chad Durbin, the Tigers relief pitcher, gets a sacrifice fly RBI to make it 5-0 Tigers. This gives him the same number of RBIs that the entire Braves team has had in their last five games. Shoot me in the face.

Bobby Cox drinking Powerade in high definition. Awesome. I feel like he could reach through the TV and punch me in the chest... that way my clothes would cover the bruises. Man, this is depressing.

Well that's over. The Braves get swept, are back to .500, and may score another run some time before the All-Star Break. The good news is that interleague play is now over, and the Mets won't play the A's again this year. I'm Mr. Fucking Brightside.

1 comment:

The Guy Banging Grimey's Mom said...

Is it innapropriate to say they choked like they were put in the Crippler Crossface